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Dabble Babble by ~obtusellama:iconobtusellama:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Open


Dabbling
Babbling
Met my self-gratification
At the ball – the masquerade
As thin as he was nameless
Converse
Reverse
He floated
Bloated
The impact – collision
No vision
Within forms of succubi
Required simple “goodbye”
©2009 ~obtusellama
:iconobtusellama:

Author's Comments

Some writings of the feelings i have felt from parting from my first love. Things ended bad and thoughts shot around my head in a manner I've never felt before. Hence the slightly confusing structure. Realization caused me to think clearer and get some thoughts into words.

May be a bit generic but I'm new to this form of art. Please leave me some feedback if you read it :)

I have posted this on my other dA account too. I will probably post 2 or 3 more (if i write them that is) before moving them all off my main page. If you like were im going with these please add my other account ~myleftnipple

Comments


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:icondecarabia69:
*Decarabia69 Jun 21, 2009, 7:26:40 AM
Very good first attempt and the most difficult thing about writing is realizing that (as in modern visual art) there is no "wrong" way of doing free verse. I think this was a pretty cohesive work and I got the message that this involved a breakup of sorts.

I encourage you to continue writing as it can be an infinitely satisfying method of dealing with life and the roller coaster emotions it can hand you!

--
You ain't so bad your self.
I see a resemblace of H.R. Giger as well as R.S Connett
Peter S Sibrin
:iconobtusellama:
~obtusellama Jun 21, 2009, 2:51:03 PM
Thankyou very much for the kind words and encouragement :)

--
And did our laughter, did our tears
have some purpose after all?
Did we toil in vain in hope
that wisdom came from what we'd done?
Even lands we once called home
lie undiscovered and unknown.
Only heaven's silence for an answer.
:icondecarabia69:
*Decarabia69 Jun 22, 2009, 8:00:01 AM
You're welcome and I'll look forward to your next work.

--
You ain't so bad your self.
I see a resemblace of H.R. Giger as well as R.S Connett
Peter S Sibrin
:iconconn1e:
Mood: Approval ~Conn1e Jun 24, 2009, 2:14:16 AM
cool stuff. i just made a poem too. strange thing is whilst you did free verse it still rhymed a little. makes an interesting effect. i don't know if i interpreted it how you would of preferred though. I mostly interpreted it as confusion. Although breaking up is confusing... mostly liked it though.
:iconobtusellama:
~obtusellama Jul 9, 2009, 5:05:53 AM
Thanks for the comment. I can see how you interpret this as confusion, alot of people have :)

but i really did have a meaning with every line i used - just the way i was thinking was a bit strange during that period.

Sorry for the late reply but I'll go and check out your poem now ^_^

--
And did our laughter, did our tears
have some purpose after all?
Did we toil in vain in hope
that wisdom came from what we'd done?
Even lands we once called home
lie undiscovered and unknown.
Only heaven's silence for an answer.
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